Married Life

Talk Dirty to Me…No Wait, Don’t!

One of my favorite things about traveling for work is being able to rent fancy cars that have way more features than my base model car has. And by fancy, I mean Kia’s and Hyundai’s, not real people fancy. Also fancy in the sense that I can ask it to talk dirty to me.

Talk Dirty to Me...No Wait, Don't!

On my most recent trip to Georgia, I got a car with an amazing feature that I’d never used before, and that I am also now an extremely big fan of: text to speech. I don’t text when I drive anymore, it’s super dangerous and everyone who texts while driving drives like an asshole. And if you’re reading this thinking, ‘no way, I’m a good driver when I text,’ believe me, you’re not.

So what is text to speech? Basically, you plug your phone into the the car USB port and then every time you get a text a little notification pops up. When you press the screen your phone reads the text out loud. Then it asks if you want to respond and if you went to send it, which is all hands free.

It’s pretty sleek, and makes texting super easy and way safer than driving with your right hand while trying to reach the P with the thumb of your left hand, while driving over furry animals and small children in the shoulder.

Here’s where the drive got interesting. I have my Siri voice set to an Australian man, because the woman’s voice sounds like such a drag and I don’t like the regular male voice because I don’t like men telling me what to do (yes, this is sexist, sexism that I’ve made my peace with). The Australian male, on the other hand, is a horse of a different color. And that color is delicious.

Talk Dirty to Me…No Wait, Don’t!

I always thought of Siri’s Australian man voice as sexy but never as sexy as when I heard it reading Eric’s texts. My husbands words in the voice of an Australian man…was magical. So I took it to the next level, because why not, and asked him to send me something sexy.

Now, I know I said I was going to be more open on this blog, and I am (I am still squirming over calling drivers assholes in a blog post) and will be. But I did censor this text, because it was straight up filthy.

Talk Dirty to Me...No Wait, Don't!

// Eric is listed as Riggs in my phone after Tim Riggins from Friday Night Lights. If you’ve seen the show, you’ll understand why I’d name my husband after him. If you haven’t seen it, go watch it, and be prepared to fall in with number 33. 

The Moral of the Story

I learned two important lessons on this trip: one, I am a total Australophile (full disclosure, I already knew that one) and two, my husband is scarily impressive at spontaneously texting purely filthy things.

Have you every tried text to speech? Have you changed the voice of your Siri? Do you text and drive?

Unsolicited PSA folks, don’t text and drive it really is so dangerous. Check this site out, it will help convince you. And take the pledge! I dare you! 🙂

6 Comments

  • Kari Wagner Hoban

    My parents have an old school GPS in their car and my dad has the voice set to a British woman that my dad has named Fiona or something of that nature.
    My mom used to make fun of Fiona because “apparently, we can’t get around the tri-state area without her”. My dad then said she was jealous of Fiona and it became this hilarious thing that now, when I type it, I realize this was much funnier in my head.

  • Tricia Murdock

    I just about died when reading this. D.I.E.D. First Austrailian accents ROCK (my first boyfriend and first kiss were Austrailian). Secondly, I AGREE $^$%*(& drivers on their cell phones. Thirdly, the fact that your husband is named something different in your phone cracks me up. Instead of “call Erik” it’s “Call Riggs” when you dial him. BWAHAHAH. Last, but not least. That edited message. I read the blog post to my hubby and laughed the whole time.
    Tricia Murdock recently posted…Medicine Tracker – I Don’t Have to Remember Everything!My Profile

    • Ani Kay

      Gah! This comment made me so happy! And yeah, the phone says exactly that, “calling Riggs” and I love the sound of it. Seriously, was it amazing to have an Australian boyfriend? Did you just ask him to read you things all day?

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